So it's been a month and a half since I posted. Much has changed, much has remained static, and time passes like a translucent apple ripening on a branch that hangs between my eyes and mind.
My mum was in the hospital for a couple weeks in the middle of February on account of a collapsed lung, so I spent much of my time working out of the hospital during that period. Being there with her made me realize that I'm pretty much the only person in her life, which is a strange epiphany. Makes my chest swell and shoulders sag. Also befriended a lovely, young nurse named Paula during this tenure. She's been working the evening shift Monday through Friday for three years now. She might be one of the happiest people I have ever met.
Beautiful day outside. Spring's finally in the air. Started running again. Stopped eating meat a few days ago. Not sure how long that will last though. I've been craving chicken like a fox outside the coop. Can't stop smoking cigarettes, but cut back on account of what happened to my mum (guilty conscience). Thinking a lot about getting older. Still feel young though. Spring is making me want to do something with my life besides sit around the same old house and tweak computer code all day long. Don't know how to scratch this itch though. It's in a hard to reach place. Wish my arms were longer.
Listening to d_rradio's So Happy It Hurts while watching people pass my apartment building down on the sidewalk. I feel like my heart is melting. It's a warm, oozy sensation that runs down my sternum. My head is feeling light, like my thought's are evaporating, like when we used to huff whip cream cannisters as kids. I feel like I would fly if I jumped out this window. I'm also well aware that I would plummet to my death if I jumped out this window. For some reason this makes me smile. I'll have more later. I promise.
Peace.
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